Coffee With Kaz: Tattoos, TV Talk & Tiny Rants (Bonus Brew 4)

Get your coffee machines ready, bottle that kettle, get yourself a cup and sit down, because it's Television Times Podcast, but a bonus.

And this week, we're here with Karen Vranuch.

And this is Coffee with Karen.

And this, my friends, is Brew Number 4.

I feel like if you do anything, I don't know if you get this, but I get this in my day-to-day life, that I get inspired by little things.

Like if someone's at the corner shop, and they say something, I like write it down, like I get inspiration, like, oh, I'm going to draw this.

But then I don't get the idea of like, oh, I'm going to make a reel or like a TikTok.

Well, not TikTok, but like I'm going to make a video about this because that's not the inspiration I get.

I get inspiration directly towards the work.

I don't think about like the shebang that goes around it, whereas it would be beneficial if I did.

But it's just like, I don't want to do all that.

And there's a thing that yet again, I don't like showing my face online.

And the Instagram algorithm now is like, it doesn't push your work unless you show the face.

So now every time I post something new, I post like a stupid selfie of me just doing nothing, because like who the fuck cares anyway, but I just have to post my face in order for the people to see, even those like 40 people on leftover tattoos.

Go follow if you like tattoos and silly designs.

I just thought it was so funny when people do that.

I'm like, you just like stop the podcast and you're like promoting yourself.

But like, that's just like, in case someone like was wondering.

But yeah, like you have to post your face to get it out there.

And I'm like, but I don't want people to really know what I look like, because I don't think that's important.

Let's ask Karen what she thinks about the new year.

When I think about the new year, I always have that like fuzzy feeling like, oh, this year is going to be different.

And then in February, I'm like, it's going to be the same year because nothing's going to like, there's no instant change in January as of like erase everything from my life and we start again.

It's just the calendar is new.

But like if I wanted to change, I could change any time.

That's what I was talking about.

I still have that feeling in January.

When you see all the fireworks and midnight, I'm like, oh, this year is going to be my year.

Maybe it won't be.

Like, I'm just like, but I have that like positivity of like, oh, it's going to be a good year.

You used to be a man more American about it.

You got this.

And then in February, I'm like, oh shit.

Yeah.

Then I feel like the first half of the year really just flies by.

It's really quick.

Like, we're in May.

And I'm like, how did we get here?

Like, it's all really quick.

I feel like January is so quick.

It is very, very fast.

My birthday is in October.

So the birthday comes and then it's Christmas.

Yeah.

And then I'm in the year that I'm going to be the next stage and it's all very depressing.

And then I get sort of start thinking about that.

And then it happens.

And then the cycle begins again.

Yours will be the last one in this studio.

This is the last one ever recorded in the studio.

I'm glad I made it.

We spoke about recording like a while ago.

We're like just always chatting.

And like, I was like, oh, it'd be an honor to be on the podcast.

And now I'm here.

So that's great.

I'm glad you came.

And I hope next time if we speak, I'll be doing more of the things I want to do, more of my craft and you'll be doing this.

Hope so.

Well, you're a friend of the podcast now.

So thank you for coming on.

And we'll end it there for now.

Thank you.

It's not Christmas at all.

It's New Year.

Happy New Year everyone.

Happy New Year everyone.

Happy New Year everyone.

It's everything made up anyway, so it's fine.

As you can probably tell, this was recorded way before Christmas.

But anyway, I put the mics back on after this bit.

So let's see what else she's got to say.

Yeah.

Why are you fucking a mother?

Oh, is it a mother, not your mother?

I could do that.

Yeah, well, that makes sense.

That's a MILF thing, I guess.

Okay, cut all that shit.

Okay, so what I'm doing here is I'm just editing in a bit.

This is for future Steve.

This is for future Steve.

I'm just trying to put context around that whole gay soy latte thing, because it wasn't a soy latte.

So I'm going to just bring this in and say what it was.

And I am saying, I'm going to say it now, nice and clear.

When I'm saying that, I'm obviously not saying it that way.

And I'm not taking the piss and I'm not being nasty.

I'm just saying what people used to say and how they used to say it to me when I would do something that was considered not manly.

So I remembered what it was.

So what it was, was I was on tour, I'd say mid 2000s, like 2005, six, something like that.

And we were in Birmingham and I went in this pub, right?

I already know this is going to be ridiculous now.

It's ridiculous now.

It's so stupid.

You won't actually believe what I'm saying.

And it's not that big a deal.

It wasn't particularly rough, pal.

And I went in and everyone was drinking really dark beers and stuff like that.

It was quite an old man pub, I guess you could call it.

But mid 2000s, modern times, you know?

Coldplay were high on the charts, unfortunately.

And there was this group of people around me who were a little bit more macho.

Consider I was working in theory, it's surprising how macho they were.

But I went into this pub and I was into wine at the time and everyone was drinking beer.

And I just, I'd never ordered one in a pub before.

I'd never even think about it.

They just said, oh, would you want, I said, I'll just get a glass of house red.

Do you have house red?

And it might not have been like this, but it was somewhat a version of this.

It felt like everyone stopped what they were doing and looked at me.

And to some degree, that is what happened.

And somebody called me like a, I don't know, like a pansy or one of those kind of words, like a Mary or something.

And they gave me a sort of negative name.

And then they took the piss out of me, like all night.

And I stuck with it.

I stuck with it.

I kept drinking wine.

It was shit wine as well.

But like, I wouldn't-

But just to prove a point, to be like-

To prove a point.

But then of course, I took it to the Steve level.

So then for the rest of the tour, wherever I went, and I'm sorry I'm saying this word in the sentence, but I went and asked the barman for the gayest drink they could make for me.

So I would get, and it became a competition.

Some people really go for it.

And I'd sit in these really fancy, like really kind of like nice pubs with a big old fucking green drink with umbrellas in it and everything.

That's such a fun social experiment to go over and to see what that means in that bar.

And you know what, it became a thing and everyone was like, and the more sort of blokey barmen were like up for it, up for the fun of it.

I just want to, I'm just leaning into this now.

Just want to piss off the people around me.

Yeah, I'm going to get whatever is considered the most camp drink possible, make it for me.

And then they would just go and make some mad thing and give me a massive discount on it as well.

They put like a bit of Drambu and a bit of whatever and I go and think, and it just became a thing.

Yeah.

And I just leaned into it and that was my reaction.

So that's a typical reaction of mine.

That's a really good reaction.

Fuck you, I'm going to go even further.

Okay, you want me to drink a gay drink?

I'll fucking drink a gay drink.

Watch this cunt.

What do you think about it now?

By the way, there's no such thing as a gay drink.

Yeah, things are not gendered.

Yeah, that's another thing.

Sexual, well, these people grew up in a world where like, you know, they had adverts for Yorkies as like Yorkies, not for girls or whatever.

You know, there was all this kind of sexual stuff.

So like, yeah, it was considered a camp drink, but I loved it.

I loved winding them up with it.

Because it's so silly at the end of the day, like, oh, my sexual orientation, because I have this drink, like, it makes no sense.

I am a straight white male.

I'm the most boring fucking gray version of it all, right?

And I was just like, I just want, could I not have wine?

How is wine gay?

Yeah.

Everyone drinks wine now.

It's just because it's not like the typical, like, natural drink.

I didn't want a bucket of your warm brown ale.

It's not fucking medieval times.

Sitting here eating a chicken with my bare hands.

See, you know, another thing about that, I feel like it's such, I could talk for like, this could be a separate episode about like, we could talk about like the binaries and the masculinity and like femininity as like a concept, cause I love talking about this.

But even sometimes when I'm sat at the corner shop and this like, like I'm talking about like older men, like usually white British men, like we walk in.

Basically me, but not the gammons as they call them.

See, that's another one that everyone's gonna apologize for.

Yeah.

I'm sorry I called them all gammons, cause obviously they're not all.

Yeah, it takes a lot for me to apologize to like a white.

Yeah, but whenever sometimes a man would walk in, I see that they do a double take on me.

And I, this is the thing, sometimes older generations, I feel like they look at me and they've not seen back in their time, a tattooed, short haired, pierced woman.

Are you joking?

Everyone's got tats now.

Yeah, but I feel like they live in such a bubble.

Sometimes they do a bubble take, double take.

A bubble tea.

Bubble tea, double take.

That's where I'll work next on the bubble tea up the road.

But yeah, it's just like sometimes you see or like they would stare like, wow, we're not fully past it, but we are because I love seeing it because I can compare how far we've gone into the right direction that you don't care what people do with their bodies and their life because it's like, it's not up to you.

But it's just funny because they think they're being subtle.

But obviously if you do a double take when you walk in, there's nothing interesting behind me.

You know, like you fully just like, we're like, oh, surprised to see like a woman like that.

I think the way we see ourselves and bodies now will change towards more like individualists, like, because it's already changing.

It's already changing in a way that, for example, I get tattoos and my parents have comments on it.

And I'm like, it's my body.

I can do anything with it.

And they're like, that's true, but we're still going to comment.

But it's going to go to the extent, I feel like with the like thing they just mentioned, I think that's why I'm thinking of it.

I feel like the way we view our bodies will just not be a big deal because we'll soon realize everyone has the same like genitalia.

Like the sexualization of the genitalia will kind of like maybe disappear because-

I don't know why everyone's so fascinated by such ugly parts of your body.

I'm like, I don't understand boobs.

Boobs are just some lumps with nipples.

Guys have nipples.

I'm like, why is this such like a big deal?

Let's see, again, that's just animalistic and there's some kind of built-in switch that's been clicked.

Maybe in the future we'll be like, what's up?

Why are boobs a big thing?

The way we see our bodies, I'm really excited to listen to this in 10 years.

I'd be like, oh yeah, boobs?

We fully are walking topless now.

It's not impossible.

What was it, 100 years ago, was it ankles were sexy, right?

Showed an ankle, that was a hard thing.

Or shoulders.

I went to Catholic school and you couldn't have tag tops and I'm like, what?

Can't show those shoulders.

Yeah, oh, the boys.

Instead of teaching the boys not to drool on my shoulders.

Jesus Christ, instead of even teaching the boys not to drool on my shoulders, we were taught to not have tag tops and like.

Drooling on your shoulders.

Well, that was a great little add on.

I enjoyed lots of that.

I'm not sure how much of that I'm gonna use.

Anyway, thank you, Karen.

Thank you.

Can I ask you one more question?

How do you feel about the negative use of your name in modern society?

Oh my, see, the way I respond is I joke first.

I shoot the shot.

I attack because my dad always taught me before they attack you, you attack first in a way that in school, we get picked on to do a recap of the last lesson.

And you would always get, someone would have to go up and do the recap.

And my dad always said, why don't you study and do it once and then they won't pick on you?

So the best attack, the best way, this is what he said, cause I'm obviously translating it from Slovak.

The best defense is to attack first.

So that's why whenever I meet someone, I say, oh, I'm Karen, like the memes, just so they know I'm cool with the jokes and that I'm kind of above it.

If they make fun, like you can't get to me, you know?

So the best defense is to shoot it first, to be like, oh, I'm fine with it.

You can joke about it.

Cause I've been through the whole thing of hating my name.

Now I'm like making peace with it.

It's fine.

If I meet anyone new, slip in the nickname of Kaz.

I was upset if you ever shorned it, yeah.

Yeah, just Kaz, like Kazza, like, yeah, British.

But like, British like, Gazza, like Kazza.

I always think it's funny because Kaz, what I like go by, like in a nickname, Jokey Way, is a cavity in Slovak.

That's what it means.

That's why this is like fun fact.

That's why my like logo used to be a little tooth as a cavity or like next to my like name on Instagram, I would have like a tooth or something.

I even tattooed a tooth like a design on myself as the first one I did just because Kaz means cavity.

So just a fun little fact for you.

Yeah, cavity Kaz.

Well, I can say this for sure.

And 100% belief is that Karen is not a Karen.

I'm the least Karen out there.

Exactly.

That's what my friends say, thank God.

I think they're right.

Right, that's it, we're done.

See you later.